“so many things seem filled with the intent / to be lost that their loss is no disaster.”
So wrote poet Elizabeth Bishop in her poem “One Art” and so do I today, much less eloquently.
I haven’t written for a while, as I have been weighed down with all the losses in my life.
My father died in February – very unexpectedly had a heart attack while stacking wood. Besides the loss of him is the loss of a certain family cohesion – a certain equilibrium – as my siblings and mother are left to find a new balance.
Shortly after that I lost my war with my body to keep myself below 160 pounds. I never thought I’d see “170”+ on the scale again, after fighting like hell to lose 50+ pounds 10 years ago. So I have gained the weight and lost the sense that I can lose the weight again (if that makes any sense).
Next I lost my friends at work. – all my friends. There was a big shakeup and I lost my boss, whom I admired and learned so much from, as well as three close friends who took other jobs. I tried myself to find a few job but lost out to another candidate.
Then just this week I lost my dog of 13 years. He’s been getting old and grumpy, prone to startle and snap out of pain and confusion. He bit me badly and that was the end – I lost the happy sight of the light in his eyes as the vet euthanized him last week.
And finally it seems we are losing the battle against Covid-19 in this country, as cases continue to climb among the ill-informed unvaccinated. I was fully vaxxed in the spring but there’s little joy in it – we can hardly resume “normal” life yet.
So then WordPress notified me that my domain is about to expire, and I thought, why keep this up? I have no desire to write and not even to read about all your adventures most days. So I will close this blog at the end of the month.
Thank you for reading. It’s been a fun journey, but now I have lost my way and need to settle down in a new place.